Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
