her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
