So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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