You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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