pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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