Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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