Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
