Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
