dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
