why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
