I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
