I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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