insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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