they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
