Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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