"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
