i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize