I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
