Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
