She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
