Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
