u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
