U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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