well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
