Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
