Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
