There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
