i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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