she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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