Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
