A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
