an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize