sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
