Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
