I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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