just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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