I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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