"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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