I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
