But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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