508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
