I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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