I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
