my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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