I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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