Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
