That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
