yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
