i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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