if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
