i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
