Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
