I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
