You made me cry and you don't even care
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
