Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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