Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
