You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
